After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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