Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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