When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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