I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
