My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
