Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
