I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
