Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
