Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
