so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
