if you like me you must not know who I am
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
