Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
