what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize