also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
