i wish my penis had a tongue
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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