hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
