DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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