Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
