i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Houston, we have a blender
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
