Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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