so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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