I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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