I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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