So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
