How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
