On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is wine microwaveable?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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