he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
