Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
