Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
