ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
