its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
