All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
