just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
