I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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