His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
