he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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