Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
