Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
smell my finger.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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