mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ttyl tear gas
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
