do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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