A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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