she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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