Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize