This girl is more easily done than said...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
