it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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