I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no you cant smoke seaweed
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
