i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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