I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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