So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
