Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
