I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
