I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
