I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
