my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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