Even water is tasting like jack daniels
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
