My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
