He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
