hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
