My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
