I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
