I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
a search helicopter?!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
