Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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