Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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