it was like his penis was on wheels.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
