yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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