we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
