did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
